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Do you feel like it’s your job to ‘get your child to eat’? It’s an idea that’s deeply ingrained in parenting lore. A kind of unwritten parenting rule, circulating in the ether, that we all seem to absorb. But it's a rule that's worth challenging because it could be doing more harm than good. No doubt it’s based on a fundamental parental responsibility: to ensure that we provide our children with enough quantity and quality of food for them to grow and maintain good health. But a responsibility to provide food is not the same as a responsibility to get a child to eat food. At a profound level there is only one person who can control what a child eats out of the food they have been provided with – and that’s the child themselves. From an early age, our children instinctively know this. For a weaning baby who’s had enough, their mouth clamps shut, their head turns away, their hands go up. They send a clear message: ‘I don’t want to eat that. It’s my body and I’m in control. That food’s not coming in.’ We might try and get one more mouthful in, perhaps by playing a game, using a distraction, or offering a bribe. And if we succeed, it can give us reason to think that we, the parents, are in control after all. But we’re just kidding ourselves. The bottom line is, no matter what tactic you use to get them to take that extra bite, it was still their choice to eat it. Realising this and letting go of trying to control something that’s essentially outside of our control, can be a great relief for parents – particularly parents of fussy eaters. It can also be a hugely beneficial step on the road to becoming better ‘eating tutors’ for our children, and ultimately to empowering our children to try new foods and to eat a more balanced and varied diet. More than that, it’s likely to play an important part in helping our children to have a healthy, lifelong relationship with food. And by this, I mean consistently recognising and respecting their own hunger and fullness cues, feeling relaxed around food, and instinctively eating a variety and balance of foods to nourish their bodies and minds. In fact, those pesky instincts that cause your child to refuse to eat something you want them to eat, might be precisely the instincts you want them to develop. And helping them to develop and respond to those instincts appropriately, rather than trying to override them, could well be a better long-term strategy for raising a lifelong, healthy eater. One of the theories behind this thinking is an approach known as Intuitive Eating (IE). It’s an approach that aims to help you to eat what you want, to trust your body to know what it needs to look after your mental and physical health, and to have a positive body image. If you’re like most adults, Intuitive Eating is a forgotten art that you’ll need to relearn. But even having a better understanding of what it involves and the benefits it might bring, could help you to let go of the ‘get them to eat’ mindset and start to embrace more productive alternatives – for your child, and maybe for yourself too. AN INTRODUCTION TO INTUITIVE EATING FOR PARENTS Intuitive Eating provides an alternative to diet culture and a rules-based approach to eating. To give you an idea of what it involves, here are its 10 guiding principles: Reject the diet mentality (it won’t work for most people) Honour your hunger (learn how to respond to your own body’s hunger cues appropriately) Make peace with food (it’s your friend not your enemy) Challenge the food police (your self-worth isn’t tied to what you eat or don’t eat) Respect your fullness (pay attention to your own fullness cues through mindful eating) Discover the satisfaction factor (enjoy what you eat - again, mindful eating is helpful) Honour your feelings without using food (become aware of any emotional eating and develop alternative coping strategies) Respect your body (and learn to enjoy its capability and beauty) Exercise — feel the difference (enjoy movement to feel energised, strong and alive) Honour your health — gentle nutrition (learn which foods really make you feel nourished) So to eat intuitively is no small undertaking. But the effort could be worth it. Research suggests that learning to eat intuitively may lead to better heart health, better glucose control, better diet quality and variety, less disordered eating, improved weight maintenance, and better psychological health. WHERE TO START WITH INTUITIVE EATING A good place to start your IE journey, for yourself and your child, is by learning to tune into your ‘interoception’. You can try this right now. Just take a minute to sit and notice what’s going on inside your body: · Is your heart beating fast or slow? · Is your breathing deep or shallow? · Are your muscles tense or relaxed? Interoception is internal sensation that enables our brains to take care of our bodies’ needs. And it’s central not just to eating, but to thought, emotions, decision making and even our sense of self. So it’s something that’s well worth paying attention to! Modern life is fabulous at encouraging us to ignore our interoception, though. Need the toilet? (Nope. I can’t get up and leave this meeting.) Need a drink? (Nope. I’m busy replying to this email.) Need to sleep? (Nope. I’m going to watch the next episode on Netflix.) Am I full? (Yes. That advert for chocolate means I’ll eat anyway.) One of the ways IE focusses on interoception is in terms of developing our awareness of our own internal fullness and hunger cues. These may be buried under years of unhelpful eating practices that often start in childhood. Anything from ‘making a clean plate’ and ‘not wasting food’, to eating to rules determined by various diets, to eating in response to emotions other than hunger. And this is where, as parents, we can help our children to tune into and understand the different feelings they experience when we present them with food. By working with our children’s instincts, rather than against them, we can start to create the right environment for implementing a whole host of strategies to support them to become more confident, adventurous and balanced eaters. To be clear, none of this means that we need to take a permissive approach to our children’s eating. It’s about being effective, and achieving the best, most sustainable results we can – which means working with their feelings about food, in the context of a structured approach to developing their eating competence. I like to think of it as part of developing a child’s resilience. Once we know how to listen to, understand and respect our own bodies, we’re going to be so much better equipped to look after our health, no matter what life throws at us. Feeling relaxed around food, talking about food in a helpful way, and enjoying healthy, happy family meals, are all great steps in supporting a child’s eating. But they’re not steps that all parents can take easily. Our own upbringing, cultural influences, and lifetime of experiences around food can mean that it may be hard to parent our children the way we want when it comes to their eating. Which is why, as well as supporting parents with their children’s eating, I also support parents who feel as though their own relationship with food is a barrier to improving their children’s eating. As adults, one action we can take on the journey towards eating more intuitively, is to examine our own internalised ‘food rules’. Once we do this, we often realise that we have been ‘getting ourselves to eat’ in certain ways for years. Becoming aware of that is the first step in empowering ourselves to make different choices. And as parents, one of those choices is to decide whether we want to hand that ‘getting you to eat’ baton onto our children – or help them to drop it. Sarah Griffith is a fully qualified and insured family health coach and children’s eating specialist. She helps parents resolve their children’s fussy eating so that they try new food and eat a more balanced and varied diet, making mealtimes easier and more enjoyable for everyone. If you’d like to find out more about how she can support you, or if you have any questions about the issues raised in this article, you can visit her website www.feelbetterfamilies.co.uk to get more information or to book a free discovery call. Or you can reach out to her via DM on instagram @feelbetterfamilies. Copyright Sarah Griffith 2021-22 Article References: Thomas, L (2019) Just Eat It. How intuitive eating can help you get your shit together around food. Bluebird, London

We’ve probably all got one of those aunties or grandmothers who need to cross their legs every time they sneeze and tell you “once you’ve had kids your pelvic floor won’t be the same!” but is this true? Do women have to endure symptoms of a weak pelvic floor throughout their lives after childbirth? The answer is no - we do not have to put up with being unable to run, jump, skip, sneeze or cough for fear of leaking, there are things we can do to help. If you’ve had a baby you will no doubt have been told the importance of doing your pelvic floor exercises but do you know what your pelvic floor is and what it does? Can you spot the signs of a pelvic floor that may not be functioning quite right? Read on to find out and to get our top 3 exercises to help activate your pelvic floor muscles. WHAT IS THE PELVIC FLOOR? The pelvic floor is a sling of muscles that sit inside the pelvis and support the bladder, uterus and rectum. WHAT DOES IT DO AND WHY IS IT IMPORTANT? A well functioning pelvic floor has several important functions and performs the following roles: Helps the bladder and back passage close to prevent leakage of urine, faeces and gas. It should relax to allow for emptying of the bladder and bowel. Helps support the internal organs and sub-optimal function can lead to symptoms of prolapse. A well functioning pelvic floor can result in more enjoyable and pain free sex. Is part of the deep stabilising system which is important for good posture. Works with the abdominals and diaphragm in response to changes in breath and intra abdominal pressure. Pregnancy and childbirth can cause weakness in the pelvic floor muscles due to changes in posture, the weight of the baby, delivery interventions and hormonal changes that cause muscles to become more stretchy. You might think it’s only pregnancy and childbirth that affects pelvic floor function but there are other factors that can contribute. Persistent coughing, a sedentary lifestyle, ageing and menopause can all have an effect the health of your pelvic floor. Looking out for signs of pelvic floor weakness and seeing a women’s health physio after birth means you can find out what is happening from the inside and work to address any weaknesses. It is important to note that pelvic floor muscles can also be overactive which causes other problems, ensuring you relax the pelvic floor is as important as being able to activate it. WHAT ARE THE SIGNS YOU SHOULD GET YOUR PELVIC FLOOR CHECKED? The following are signs that your pelvic floor might not be functioning quite right and if you experience any of these it’s a good idea to get checked by your women’s health physio: Leakage of urine or faces during exercise, coughing, sneezing or laughing More frequent urination (more than 6-8 times per day) Not being able to make it to the toilet Painful sex Difficulty inserting a tampon Any feeling of dragging or heaviness in the pelvic area Lack of sensation or ability to orgasm WHAT CAN YOU DO TO IMPROVE YOUR PELVIC FLOOR? There are 3 ways you can help improve your pelvic floor but first and foremost, it’s important to see the physio for an assessment and to help you activate and use the right muscles. It’s estimated that around 50% of women incorrectly activate their pelvic floor so it’s important to get help with this! Doing pelvic floor exercises incorrectly may do more harm than good so seek expert help. 1. Do your Pelvic Floor Exercises Daily strengthening exercises, particularly in pregnancy, that focus on the pelvic floor in isolation but also in combination with movement, can help to reduce urge incontinence later in pregnancy and after birth. Here some do’s and don’ts for activating your pelvic floor when you first begin: DO gently lift your pelvic floor DO gently draw your lower tummy away from your undies line DO remember to let go and relax the muscles DO start to add some longer contractions once you have the correct activation DO try the exercises in different positions eg standing, sitting, side lying DON’T tuck your pelvis under DON’T squeeze your bottom DON’T contract too strongly (about 5% of what you think is fine) DON’T hold your breath DON’T flare your ribcage 2. Breathe Proper breathing ensures that you activate the pelvic floor and other core muscles correctly. Natural breathing means that your diaphragm moves down on inhale and up on exhale. If we breathe in too heavily before we activate the pelvic floor, it pushes our internal organs down onto the pelvic floor. A natural breath in and out ensures the pelvic floor muscles lengthen and shorten and that the exercises will be effective. 3. Work on Posture Posture and alignment of the joints and bones is important. During natural breathing not flaring out the rib cage or puffing the chest will help keep your ribcage stacked over your pelvis and ensure you breath effectively. OUR TOP 3 EXERCISES TO ACTIVATE THE PELVIC FLOOR Here are 3 of UV’s Head Coach Jo’s favourite pelvic floor exercises. They will help you to activate the pelvic floor in isolation and also to learn how to incorporate it into some basic movements. Try to do them daily and as you get more confident you can increase the number of repetitions. These exercises are all suitable to do after birth as soon as you feel comfortable doing them. Breathwork with PF activations while lying: Lie on your back, feet flat on the floor with your hands on the side of your rib cage. Make sure your spine is neutral and your rib cage is softening down towards your hips, feet are flat on the floor and hip distance. Take a natural inhale, breathing into your hands, and as you exhale, draw up through your front passage - like you are stopping going to the bathroom or holding in a tampon. Then inhale and completely relax your pelvic floor remembering the relaxation phase is as important as the drawing up phase. Repeat for 4 more breaths remembering to draw your PF up each time. Try and do the exercise daily, once you are sure you are doing the exercise correctly you can try and hold up the pelvic floor for a bit longer with each breath. Pelvic Tilts: Still lying on the floor, hands by your side with spine neutral, ribs softening down towards your hips, feet flat on the floor and hip distance. Take a natural inhale and as you exhale draw your pubic bone towards your navel so your pelvis tilts and your lower back just touches the floor. Keep your glutes relaxed! Inhale, send the tailbone back towards the floor and bring the pelvis back to neutral. Repeat these pelvic tilts whilst bringing awareness to your pelvic floor, activating it on each exhale and relaxing it on your inhale. Repeat for another 6-8 repetitions but be mindful not to jam your lower back into the floor, it’s just a gentle tilt. Imagine your pelvis is a bowl of water and you are trying to tip the water out of the bowl and into your belly button with each tilt. Single leg glides: Remain in your lying position with a neutral spine, feet flat on the floor, hands by your side. Inhale as you glide your left heel away from your body so that your leg extends keeping the foot in contact with the floor. Exhale, activate your pelvic floor and glide the foot back to the start position so your knee is pointing to the ceiling. Repeat on the other side. Continue for another 6-8 repetitions, alternating legs. If you need some additional support or aren’t sure if you are activating your pelvic floor correctly you can find a physio in your area here: https://mumsafe.com.au/physios/ Jo Maddison is Owner and Head Coach at Unearthed Vitality Gym & Virtual Studio. She is a specialist Personal Trainer in Pre & Postnatal Exercise, Pilates Instructor, Mum of 2 and helps women to exercise safely and effectively during all stages of motherhood. Article References: Girls Gone Strong - Pre & Post Natal Certification Manual, 2018 Pelvic Floor Recovery, 4th ed. Sue Croft, 2018 Safe Return to Exercise, Jen Dugard, 2022